Sleeping Scientist
by RickHammersteel
Summary: Bandit Prince Yamcha tells his friends how he loved, and lost, the Princess of Science, Bulma, in a tragic tale of adventure.


In a lone bar, there sat a young man taking a long sip of a glass of alcohol. He wore a tattered orange gi, and his black hair ran down his back. He had a small scar on his cheek. He looked at the seat next to him.

There were two of his friends, both bald. One was short and had a gi similar to his own. The other was taller, and wore a white shirt. He looked relatively normal, except for his third eye. The tall man was looking at him,"So, why did you call us here, Yamcha?"

The short one swirled his glass of water,"You okay? Never seen you try to get drunk before."

Yamcha sighed, clenching his fist on the counter,"It's a long story..."

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a huge laboratory, filled with all sorts of strange lab experiments, and huge dinosaurs.

Living in this lab were the King and Queen of Science, who lived with their eldest daughter, Princess Tights. They were loved by all the land, and all of the ocean, and all of space. They reigned with a loving hand, and fought off their enemies with a loving death ray.

It was in this lab that the King and Queen were celebrating the birth of their second daughter, Princess Bulma. They invited all they could to her birth: Majins, Namekians, and some Saiyans.

However, there was one guy they didn't invite, one Lord Freeza. It wasn't that they forgot him, he was just kind of a colossal douchebag that ruined every party he came to. Usually, it involved mass murder, untold destruction, and tax evasion.

But Lord Freeza was not one to mess with. The King and Queen realized this as their lab walls were blown open.

"There was a door!" King Briefs said, slamming his fist on his throne's arm. His throne, of course, was a swivel chair.

"Well, normally I would knock," The white alien said, his tail shifting behind him,"But since you were so rude in uninviting me to your party, I felt it unnecessary to be polite to you!"

Queen Panchi held her hand up to her face,"Well since you've decided to come, would you like some tea?"

"Oh, that would be lovely, but no thank you!" Freeza slammed his foot on the ground beneath him,"For your insolence, I will do something terrible!" He flew over to Bulma, and placed his finger on her nose.

The baby, wrapped up in her little white blanket, giggled.

"I will curse her, on her 16th birthday, if she pricks her finger, she and the entire castle will fall to sleep!" Freeza smirked.

"Why not just kill us now?" A voice called from the audience.

Freeza shrugged,"I just want to sit and laugh as your entire kingdom panics in its attempt to stop the curse." With that, he flew away.

Tights looked at her mother,"There must be something you can do!"

King Briefs then shouted to his three elite Namekian guards,"Balafon, Xylo, Accordio!"

Three Namekians appeared in front of him,"Sir!"

King Briefs took his newborn and gave her to them,"Take her, and make sure she doesn't prick her finger while she's 16!"

"Okay." The head, Xylo, said with a shrug. And with that, they sped off.

* * *

16 years later...

There was a beautiful blue haired woman singing in the pool, her long hair almost sparkiling with luscious beauty. Her voice carried the sounds of a goddess. Animals flocked to her.

* * *

"Are you trying to make me remember my ex!?" The short man, Krillin, shouted, slamming his on the counter. He then noticed the crack," Sorry," He told the bartender

"Sorry, got carried away," Yamcha muttered.

* * *

A blue haired young woman was tinkering on a small device in a garage.

"Bulma, get out of that garage!" One of her Namekian retainers shouted, a pink apron adorning his torso,"Dinner's ready!"

"Accordio, I am busy building my death ray!" Bulma put her goggles up to her forehead,"I'll be there in a minute!" Then she heard a sparking from her device. She looked down at it,"Never mind, I'll go eat, this'll take a while." With that, she took off her gloves and proceeded to walk out of the garage.

Watching from afar, a young, handsome, strong, dependable-"

* * *

"It's you, isn't it?" The three-eyed man, Tien, crossed his arms.

Yamcha nodded,"Well I am handsome!"

"Get on with it!" The somewhat green bartender snarled.

* * *

Yamcha sat in a tree, watching Bulma walk to her cabin," She's beautiful.."

A little cat floated next to him,"She does look your type! You should go talk to her!"

"But, I'm the Bandit Prince! Do you know what those Namekians are going to do to me if I knock on their door!?" Yamcha looked at Puar, and pouted,"I don't want to be thrust into a tree!"

"Hey, what if they don't know if you're a bandit prince!" Puar smiled,"They may not have TV!"

Yamcha thought about it, and nodded,"Right, I'll go up there, and talk to that beautiful woman."

A few moments later...

Yamcha struggled in his tree,"Puar!"

Puar's eyes began to water,"I'm sorry." He turned into a chainsaw, and began to saw him free.

And so did Yamcha begin his quest to woo Princess Bulma. Each attempt he made was met with either being slammed into a tree or getting zapped by Bulma's Electro Gun©.

As much as Yamcha hated to admit, as he sat down on his tree log, there was no way he could win Bulma's heart. He turned and watched as the Princess of Science was using a small device to look at a bunny's hurt paw.

It was then that a familiar alien flew down in front of her.

"Do you mind, I'm testing my new medi-gun!" Bulma gently put down the bunny, and glared at Freeza as he stood in front of her.

Yamcha gasped, Lord Freeza was not to be trifled with! He ran at him, hands outstretched like a wolf's paws,"Stay away from her!"

Freeza swatted him into a tree with his tail,"Happy birthday, Princess Bulma!" He gave a smile, before grabbing her arm,"Here's your present!" He pricked her finger with a needle.

"Ow, what the- ooh." Bulma's eyes began to grow heavy, before falling asleep.

"Honestly, what were they thinking? Didn't they realize that I had this planned out!?" Freeza shook his head as he took the girl,"Come on, time to stuff you in your parent's lab!" With that, he flew away.

Yamcha pulled himself from the tree,"Ow, that smarts!" he rubbed his head.

"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" an old lady's voice said. Yamcha turned, seeing an old woman riding atop a ball,"There is only one way to save Princess Bulma now, and that is with a kiss from a strong and handsome prince!"

Yamcha smiled at this,"Hey, I'm a prince!"

The woman looked him over, before muttering,"Yeah, but you're lacking in the strength." She pointed to the west,"You are not able to beat Lord Freeza alone, you need the aid of a certain man, whose strength is legendary!"

Yamcha nodded,"Well, I do kinda need the help. Who is this man, and how do I find him?"

"He goes by the name Son Goku, and he's usually farming in the west."

"Thank you, random old lady!" Yamcha looked at Puar,"Ready to do this, Puar?"

Puar looked into Yamcha's eyes,"Yamcha, I'll always be ready for you!"

With that, Yamcha took out a capsule, and threw it to the ground, summoning a bike. He got on, and rode off to the west.

An old man with shades walked up to the lady,"Think he's got this?"

"He doesn't stand a chance." The lady shook her head.

Yamcha drove the long and winding road, his hair blowing in the breeze. Music began to play in his head, talking about how awesome he was. He noticed a small cottage coming into view, the mailbox showing the name, Son. He stopped his bike, and walked up to it. He knocked on the door.

A woman opened it,"Yes?"

"Um, I'm looking for Son Goku?" Yamcha gave a gulp, this lady seemed to be staring through him, her eyes giving an air of menace.

The woman turned around,"Goku! There's a man here to see you!"

A tall man in an orange gi appeared next to Yamcha, his hair was unbelievably spiky,"Yeah?"

Yamcha yelped in surprise," Yah! What? How!?"

"I walked." Goku grinned, putting his fists on his hips.

The woman gave an exasperated sigh,"Goku, what did I say about coming to the front door like a normal person!? Do you realize how many Zeno's Witnesses got scared off because of you!?"

Goku scratched the back of his head,"Sorry, Chi-Chi." He gave a small pout.

"This is the strong guy the lady was talking about?" Puar whispered to Yamcha.

Yamcha shook his head,"Look, Puar, I understand his plight. That woman's probably scarier than he is." He looked at Goku,"Um, Goku, I need your help, there's an evil lord that's holding Princess Bulma prisoner!"

Goku looked at him. He narrowed his eyes at Yamcha,"Is he strong?"

This look seemed to scare Yamcha,"Um, yes?"

"Then, of course, I'll help!" Goku gave a wide grin,"Where is he!?"

"The lab is to the east, it may take a while to get there," Yamcha said.

"No, it won't." Goku put his hand on Yamcha's shoulder. He then put two fingers to his forehead. A second later, they appeared in front of the lab.

"What the!?" Yamcha looked around,"How did we get here!?"

"Instant Transmission," Goku said with a shrug. He turned to the front door, noticing that it, along with the entire lab, was covered in vines,"THis is a problem. Time to knock!" He raised his fist, and punched the door open.

Yamcha stared into thin air as Goku walked by him,"He's... he's... impossibly strong..." He shook his head. He was not about to be intimidated by this guy's insane strength. He ran in the door, watching in horror as Goku plowed through enemy soldiers without even moving. If Yamcha could see his face, he would notice that Goku did all this with a smile on his face.

He ran behind Goku, letting the Saiyan punch enemy after enemy before they went through two large doors.

In front of them were five guys silhouetted by a spot light.

They all began to pose, starting with a large man with a tuft of red hair,"Recoome!"

A blue skinned man posed after him,"Burter!"

A normal sized red skinned man with white hair posed,"Jeice!"

A short green skinned man posed next,"Guldo!"

Finally, a purple man with horns posed,"Captain Ginyu!"

"Together, we are the Ginyu Force!" The group shouted as they posed.

Goku gave a huge grin,"So cool!" He took out a camera,"Gohan will love this!" he took the picture, before putting it back into his pocket,"You go, I'll handle these guys!" He flew towards them. Now, if this was Goku's story, this would be the part that would have a long and awesome fight with all five members of the Ginyu Force battling him. Unfortunately, we're just following Yamcha as he runs for his life up the stairs where Bulma slept.

Yamcha pushed the doors open, seeing Bulma sleeping in a bed. He walked towards her, only to hear Freeza giving a cold cackle.

"My, my." Freeza sat in a chair behind him, his legs folded,"It's the wannabe hero." He pointed at Yamcha,"Come to save the princess? With true love's kiss? How sickening." He glared at Yamcha as he stood up,"I almost hate to waste ki on scum like you."

Yamcha gulped, before getting into a fighting stance,"I'm going to save Bulma, and you can't stop me! In fact, unless something completely unexpected happens, this will be where you die!"

Then Bulma's doors were kicked open.

Yamcha looked at the intruder,"Goku?"

"No." A new, fierce, masculine voice walked in. Yamcha looked at his white boots, trailing up his blue jumpsuit to his white armor. He saw the fierce glare in his eyes, and the intense widow's peak from his hair,"I am Prince Vegeta!"

Freeza looked at him,"Oh look, something unexpected, by which I mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED!" Freeza pointed his finger at Vegeta, and fired a Death Beam at him.

Vegeta let out a roar, turning his once black hair gold, deflecting the beam in the process. He turned to Freeza, and threw an uppercut into the lord's chin. Freeza was sent through the ceiling, and into the sky. Vegeta turned to Bulma, and walked towards her.

Yamcha stood in front of him,"Hey, what are you doing!?"

Vegeta glared at him.

"What am I doing!?" Yamcha stepped aside, letting the Prince of all Saiyans pass.

Vegeta leaned into Bulma's bed, and pecked her on the cheek.

Bulma's eyes fluttered,"Oh, oh, oh!" She grinned at Vegeta's handsome looks,"You're hot! Let's go on a date!"

Vegeta smirked, and picked her up,"With pleasure!" He opened the window, and flew out.

Yamcha could only stare in shock as the lab went to normal around him,"But-" he shook his head as the King went into the room,"The prince took her away."

"Oh, she's finally found a guy! I'm proud of her!" King Briefs said.

"But... I was supposed to be that guy..." Yamcha's eyes began to water.

* * *

"And that's my story. I didn't get the girl, Goku got knighted, and then I came here." Yamcha sighed, taking a swig.

Krillin shook his head,"Tough break, man." Then he heard the sound of beeping,"Oh, I gotta get home, or 18'll kill me!" He ran out the door.

Yamcha looked at Tien,"Well, it's just us singles, I guess."

Tien sighed,"Yeah." He put a hand on Yamcha's shoulder.

And then the sound of a motorcycle accompanied by machine gun fire was heard.

"Oh, no, Launch must've sneezed!" Tien's eyes widened. He got up when the doors burst open.

"Tien!" A blond woman with a machine gun glared at the man in question,"There you are!"

"And that's my cue to leave!" Tien ran off, leaving Yamcha alone.

"Aw, I'm having a bad day." Yamcha moaned.

The bartender frowned as he wiped his glass,"Eh, it could be worse."

Yamcha looked up at him, noticing his antenna, and his green skin,"Wait..." He noticed the muscular arms,"Piccolo? What are you doing tending bar!?"

Piccolo gave a heavy sigh,"Now that's a long story."


End file.
